An Open Letter To The Self-Conscious GirI - StrongLife

An Open Letter To The Self-Conscious GirI

clothes, self-conscious

Dear Self-Conscious Girl,

Today, I’m writing specifically to you.

I know how you feel, how much you want to change and how hard you find it.

And I know how in a world of social media, you can fall prey to negative thoughts.

You can fall foul to comparing yourself to those you see online.

So today, let’s talk about how you can break free from it all and focus on yourself more.

Let’s go.

The Struggles Of The Self-Conscious Girl

It’s 2019, which means we’re all inundated with ways to become healthier and look better.

And in a world where social media is currently king, you’re bombarded with photos of the “perfect” body.

Yet when you stand in front of the mirror, all you see are flaws in yourself.

Love handles.

Stretch marks.


Bingo wings.

Chubby thighs.

A pouch of a belly.

When you stand there, you focus on everything that you’re unhappy about yourself.

You rarely stand there and feel proud.

You flick open your phone and look at your favourite fitness pages.

Girls with abs, firm bums, toned arms and legs.

Yet you stand there disheartened.

You can’t seem to get your diet and exercise right.

Your self-esteem and confidence teeter on the edge of a cliff.

Why can’t you look like those girls online?

You wish you felt confident enough to show some skin.

Why can’t you feel sexy when you slip on a dress instead of having a little cry on the edge of your bed when nothing looks good.

Imagine being able to ditch the magic pants and black clothes?

Imagine looking in the mirror and actually being HAPPY.

What You’re Really Looking For In A Gym

When most girls join the gym, they say they want to lose a few pounds, tone up and get fitter.

But that’s only the surface value they place on it.

What they really mean are the following:

I want to get back into my old, nice clothes. The ones that make me feel great.

I want to feel sexy and confident on nights out, especially in photos with my “skinny” friends.

When getting ready for a wedding/event, I want to stand in front of the mirror, look myself in the eye and smile at how good I look.

I want to be able to have sex with the lights on.

I want a flatter stomach so there’s not a roll hanging over the top of my pants.

Confidence, I’m fed up not feeling confident around my husband/partner/kids/friends.

I want to be healthy to see my kids grow up, and to get to play with my grandkids.

I’m fed up feeling like crap, having no energy and feeling like everything is a struggle.


To be honest, I could keep going on and on.

The reality is this:

Girls don’t just want to get toned for the physical aspect, they want to do it for the emotional and psychological feeling.

Good training and solid nutrition practices will help you quieten that inner voice that says mean things to you.

The one that always keeps beating you down and leaves you not feeling good about yourself.

And there’s no better way than lifting weights, getting strong and sticking the middle finger up at that inner bitch.

But there’s something we need to address first….

The Detriment Of Social Media “Influencers”.

“Social Media Influencer” (noun) – a person who portrays the perfect life online regardless of it being completely contrasting to real life. Never shows you the truth. Spends their days finding motivational quotes to accompany photos of their arse. Gained all followers by succumbing to soft pornography.

Okay, that’s a bit tongue in cheek as there are some influencers who are fantastic and deliver some very positive stuff.

But you get the idea.

What you see online is the highlight reel.

It’s the perfectly timed (edited/posed/planned/photoshopped/airbrushed/lighting) photos that give you the impression of what you should aspire to achieve.

But we live in the real world.

We deal with emotions, stress, relationship issues, families, jobs etc etc.

Life simply doesn’t exist as perfect as it looks online.

When you look at a photo online, it’s literally a millisecond of a person’s life.

It doesn’t represent real life.

So don’t compare yourself to others without knowing the rest.

A photo CAN be inspiring, especially those who have overcome great hardship to now be a success.

You can use them as motivation to keep you moving forward in life.

But comparing yourself to others online can also be detrimental.

It can reinforce the negative body image you already have.

It may distort your goals and visions of how you would like to look.

So if following and look at people online negatively affects you, then please STOP.

Unfollow, put the phone down.

Because the more you focus on others, the less you focus on yourself.

So spend more time looking in the mirror and noticing all the good things about yourself.

Appreciate the areas you’d like to improve in your life and then get to work on them.

Because the more time you spend on yourself, the more you’ll develop as a person.

Whether that be mentally, physically or emotionally, it will all be worth it.

At the end of the day, if you’re low on confidence, struggling with self-esteem and questioning your self worth, then buying some leggings on Instagram using a discount code isn’t going to do a damn thing to help you out.

It just leads to less money in your bank account without any improvement in how you feel and view yourself.

Final Notes

If you’re currently feeling self-conscious about how you look and feel, then take comfort in the fact that so many girls feel the same way.

Unfortunately, it’s a product of society.

Magazines, publications etc always portrayed certain body types that were deemed attractive and “perfect”.

But that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be happy with yourself.

You’ve every right to be happy, confident, sexy and enjoying life.

Surround yourself with people who make you feel great about yourself.

Remove yourself from those who pull you down or make you question yourself.

Spend less time online and more time doing things that make you feel good and support your long term goals.

If you feel like you could drop a few pounds to become healthier and attribute to a boost in confidence, then by all means go for it.

But do so by following good nutrition guidelines and proven exercise methods.

DO NOT use exercise and diets as a way to punish yourself.

And if you really want to transform your body, then lift weights.

But be sure to invest in yourself by getting a good coach who will teach you the correct way to lift.

This will keep you safe and accelerate your training experience.

And every now and again, look in the mirror and appreciate yourself.

Regardless of what shape or size you are, everyone has the ability to be a nice person.

Spread happiness, fun and let your personality shine through.

And always remember this:

“Compare yourself with who you were yesterday, not with who someone else is today” –  Jordan Peterson.

Thanks for reading.


Colm Duignan

Colm Duignan

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